Another day that I spend pacing the floor. Walking from one room to another and back. Again. And again. And again. I have to keep moving. So that maybe exhaustion will claim me at some point. I have already cleaned the house. I vacuumed the floors while tears ran down my face. Because they told me to clean the house. Make it pretty so they can sell it. I don't want them to sell it. But still, I did what was asked of me. Because everyone else's wants are always more important than my own. My glasses are still foggy. Covered in the salt of yesterday. I don't want to do this anymore. Feel like this. Be here. Be me. Even my cats don't cheer me up anymore. They are cute. Someone would take care of them. I know that. But I can't do anything about any of this. Because of one stupid theory. The driver's test theory. That says when you take your driver's test you have to finish it, no matter how hard. If you don't finish, if you leave early, if you quit. You don't pass. And you have to retake the test. What if life is the same? If you quit and leave before you've finished you just get reincarnated back into the same version of the test. You have to try again . Sometimes that is all that stops me. I am not doing this shit again .
