#thisisnotokay

  The events of last night have changed the course of my book. I know there isn't much I can do in a situation like this. But I can write. And if my words will change the mind of even one person then I have to try.

#hold a grudge

 I learned a little about myself the other day. Good thing or bad thing? I'm not sure yet, but it's true.  Anyway, for those of you who might not know. Last year I was in an accident and while I was in the hospital my nephew stole my bank card and went on a little spending spree. He was 27 at the time, certainly old enough to know better but that isn't the point. By the time he was finished I was out over  $1000.00 and my sister knew about this whole thing and didn't have the decency to tell me about it. She even went so far as to get my card from him and put it back in my purse so that I wouldn't find out when I was released from the hospital. When I found out I severed all ties with them, I was so sick of being taken advantage of and it was the best thing for me to do. Cut to one year later. I haven't spoken to them since and I've gone on with my life. I haven't forgiven but I have accepted the situation for what it was. Or so I thought. Then I was on my way to work and as I walked across the parking lot I saw my niece waving at me. She's 23 an adult and I have nothing against her. She didn't do anything to me. So I waved back, no big deal. Then I saw who was walking behind her. My sister. And I quickly realized that I haven't accepted things as fully as I thought I had. I remember thinking, If she says one word to me right now there will be trouble. Luckily she didn't. She just hung her head and kept walking. As did I. But by the time I walked into work, my hands were shaking. If I had been a cartoon you would have seen steam coming out of my ears. And that was when I learned that I am still so mad. And still so upset and hurt, and raw, about what happened a year ago. I haven't let it go. And I might never. Only time will tell.

What?

 It finally happened, I was forced to shop in the children's section of a store. Why? You may be asking. Well, I'll tell you. It is almost summertime and that means wearing shorts in public or melting. So I (sometimes) choose to just wear shorts. Anyway, as I am searching through the racks I can't help but notice the lack of actual inseams.

 The longest pair I was able to find was 1 inch. That's not an inseam, that's a stitch! And call me crazy or old fashioned, but I am just not into walking around with my butt showing. Don't get me wrong, I don't judge if you're at the beach. Or making a music video. Or doing a concert. Or playing by the pool. Or dancing on a pole. Or walking a red carpet, you can walk around naked for all I care. But I will never understand when or why people suddenly decided it was okay to have your butt crack and or cheeks showing while at the grocery store. I mean, am I really the only person who feels like I shouldn't have to see that while I'm picking out my oranges? Not that you aren't working it, or pulling it off. I am not trying to say you don't look good in your short shorts. That isn't my issue. My issue is that somewhere along the line people have decided that it is somehow appropriate for people to walk around a place that sells food, and won't let you in the doors if you aren't wearing a shirt or shoes, with their butt showing. Not sanitary. In my opinion at least. Admittedly I am a germaphobe. But that's another problem for another day. The point is, I was having trouble finding shorts to wear for this summer and I had to shop in the kid's section to find them. Because I personally wouldn't feel okay walking down the street with my butt showing. And I am almost thirty. So for those of us out there, I know I am not alone in feeling like this, can we please start making actual real clothes again? Please.

Thinking

 Last week while at work, something happened and it got me thinking. A lot. Here's what happened. It was late in the evening and I had been out back helping unload the truck. Which I wasn't reallllyyyy supposed to be doing but it didn't seem fair to make my un-named co-worker do it all by herself. So I helped when I could. Anyway, it had gotten chilly since the sun went down and I was

wearing my coat. I heard someone come in the front door so I went back to my place at the register saying "hi" to the "gentleman" entering the store as I went. So, as I am standing there answering all of his questions " where is your milk?" "Do you have AA batteries?" And so on he casually says to me, as if it were part of the conversation we were having, even though it wasn't. At all. "If you'd gain some weight you wouldn't be cold right now." Then he goes about his business like nothing had just happened. And for him, maybe it hadn't but for me. I was livid, to say the least. What I wanted to say was " No if I hadn't just been outside in the cold I wouldn't be cold and my weight is none of your business!" But for some reason saying stuff like that is frowned on in the workplace so I just ignored his comment to the best of my abilities and we both went on our way. Once he was out of the store though, I kept replaying his comment over and over in my head. Look I know I am small. 5'2 and barley 100 pounds, but that isn't the point. The point is, that no matter how small, or big, or short or tall someone is it is never your place to tell them. Especially if they don't even know you. I mean first impressions do count and from now on I will be thinking of you as "that jerk who made the comment about my weight that one time" Is that really how you want to be remembered? Anyway, my question is this, why do people still think it's okay to tell someone that they need to change their weight, in any direction? Because it's not. NEVER. Don't do it. And this wasn't a one-time thing either. I have had people as I am ringing up their stuff flat out ask me " are you anorexic?" "Why don't you just eat a cheeseburger it won't kill you." Among other things. Look I do eat, probably more than you do you judgmental.... never mind. I've even eaten to the point of being sick just to try and gain weight to make the comments stop. It doesn't work. I've excepted it. You should do and so I will leave you with this if you don't like the way I look, then politely turn your big dumb head and look elsewhere. Because your opinions are not relevant or wanted. Nor are they going to cause me to change myself to appease you. So, have a NICE day and don't let the door hit you on your way out.

Sad face

 That moment when you find out your best friend isn't coming back to work after all because she can't deal with the other drama queens. There goes your sanity ...

Happy Jeep day!!

                                                           ...Continued

The spot

 Okay, let me explain, One year ago today (March 9th (( happy birthday Gubler))) I was walking down the sidewalk when a distracted(or I as call him stupid) driver ran off of the road, striking me. I was thrown thirty-five feet, landed on a fence, and almost didn't live to see the next day. And rather
than sitting home all day today moping, I decided that today is JEEP DAY, a celebration. A day where I can do whatever I want. Wear whatever I want. And basically be, whoever I want because last year I almost died. But didn't. And so because one year later I am still here and very glad to be I am making today a happy day! I  also went back to the same spot and took a selfie (just because I can) to show what a difference a year can make. And maybe, just maybe to prove to myself that I could do it.
Because let's face it, that is kind of a scary thing to do. Stand in the place where you almost took your last breath exactly one year later. But I did it. And I took pics the whole way so you could take the journey with me... so here you go.

getting closer

me standing in the spot

     

I almost died here selfie!



 P.S. This has been one crazy year and as you know I did write a book ( ERISA JEAN) about this experience and if you would like to check that out the info you need is on my book page.  

looks can be deceiving

      It looks so normal, doesn't it? Non-threatening. Not scary. Peaceful even. So it might be hard for you to believe that almost a year ago, this is where I almost died...



                                            To be continued...

I made a thing...

  Yesterday was all sunshine-y and warm so I took advantage of having the day off. By going to the local goodwill store. (They always have the best stuff and you know it;) Anyway as I am perusing down the racks of clothes, something in the corner catches my eye. So I wander over that way, being careful not to show my excitement, least another shopper gets any ideas about taking my stuff. Once I am safely across the room I pick up the piece to examine.  I turn it this way. And that. I flip it over. And finally, I tuck it under my arm and walk to the register. I lay it down along with the shirt and cute little Buddha that I have been carrying around with me for the last hour and then I am off. Once I am home I pull my finds out of my bag and I get to work. First I find all of the get well cards that I received the one time when I almost died( for more info see the blog, the time that car thing happened). Then I found the shirt I had been wearing, yes I kept it. Cut up and covered in blood as it was. Then I pulled out the necklace I had been wearing and finally, the book I wrote about the accident. I carefully placed each item inside the frame then closed it up and stood back to admire my handy work. My shadow box was complete. And I now have a neat little memory box full of the stuff that reminds me every day, that after that, there is nothing I can't handle.
                                       


                                         

Birthday surprise :)

     So it finally happened. Someone surprise partied me. 28 years and this had never happened so I thought I was safe. But then my best friend, we'll call her "Lakendra", pulled it off.  I was planning on a nice calm day off. Maybe some shopping, maybe I would buy a brownie or something because I refuse to make my own birthday cake. And my only living relative we'll call her "Darlene" hasn't been able to find the time to get me a cake in the last 7 years. But that is another story. Anyway, I am going about my business on that fateful day when I get a text asking me to stop by the store at 3:00. My heart sank. I didn't want to be called into work on my 29th birthday, even if I wasn't doing anything exciting.  Luckily that text was quickly followed up with "not to work, just need to see you about something" Whew. Bullet dodged. And then true to form, my mind went turbo on me. "What could I have done that they need to see me?" "Has there been a complaint made about something I have done?" "Is someone getting fired?" "Has someone died?" Extreme I know, welcome to my wonderful world of mental turmoil. So as my mind races I get dressed finishing off my look with the cupcake earrings that I wear every year on my birthday. ( I also have every year Halloween earrings and every year Christmas earrings, don't judge me.) And finally, I leave the house.
   As I near the store I don't know what to expect. But I walk in anyway. And I am so glad that I did. My used to be foster mom had brought me happy birthday balloons that were hanging up in our break area. And  "Lakendra" was there and so was "Sharon" And "Rudy" And even "Cidney"  Plus "Sharon" had brought her daughter so there was a cute little baby to play with. They each gave me gifts and it was the nicest surprise! I got a new shirt and a little chocolate dude. (I couldn't make that up if I  tried, it was a piece of chocolate shaped into a man lol thanks "Rudy") I got adult coloring books and the best part was.... the first BIRTHDAY CAKE  that I have had in 7 years!!!!!!!! (Thanks so much "Lakendra")  And it was shaped to look like my books.
    I had so much fun that day and to say it was the best birthday I've had in a long time would be an understatement. It was so nice to be around the people who are my new family since my real one is such a dud. ( Seriously who steals the bank card of someone while they are in the hospital trying not to die? My nephew that's who)  Anyway, best birthday ever and now......... Cake!